Or series or whatever flick that has the word “Love” in the script?

To be honest I couldn’t tell why girls in general do.The movies and series I really love are the ones of mystery and thrillers and action and wars.Yes, that’s my thing but I won’t lie, I like to watch romantic comedies and what I call “emotions all over” series.But not in a “awww there’s love out there and I’ll find mine someday” way—which is the reason,I think, normal girls watch the so called chick flicks.The thing is, I love torturing myself and I watch those kind of stories to remind me how unhappy I am and the abnormality in me.

For some reason I consider myself oversensitive but people think of me as the dryest person ever.It’s true I lack the ability to show emotions sometimes and I probably will never feel more than “oh he’s cute” thing,no love…ever! but I still feel you know? & sometimes I think,no,I’m sure I’m more empathetic than let’s say 98% of the Earth’s popullation. Anyway,everytime I watch those programmes or movies where there’s a happy ending full of love I come to the conclusion that I will never find that.I’ve never been in love and I’m so miserable and worried about the other aspects of my life that love and friendships have become a sort of taboo for me.I think it’s safe to say that as I’m an action-reaction being  I’ll only be able to fall for someone freely the day that I find someone who has completely and entirely fallen for me.

I want to be loved,like any other being, but I’m probably more realistic on the fact that love is something rarely achieved and to be honest I’ve only seen it on the movies and tv series..or heard it on songs.

This subject leads me to another thing.Normality.I bet everyone of us have felt out of place at some point in our lives but what happens when you feel absolutely out of place..everywhere…in every single continent?

Everyone,every labelled human being has something in common with another one right? Like popular people like to drink…just like the unpopular ones (okay I’m running out of ideas to compare but you get the idea right?).What happens when you enjoy your solo status.When being alone feels way better than being with people?When you actually feel asphyxiated and nauseous when you have to try to be with them?No, I don’t have any kind of phobia of people…I know how to handle people and how to be around them but all of that is a lie because I feel that I have to give them what they want and tell them what they want to hear when I want to do the exact opposite but what happens when you hate to be abnormal too? I don’t like people to think I’m like them but I want to be like them too sometimes.Feel just…happy to be with my friends and idk,just fall for someone and feel like i’m on drugs or something because of that person.

I wonder sometimes if I only focus on pain because that’s the only thing I can actually feel.