Sometimes,just sometimes I feel that maybe I am the way you described me. I’m not sure if you just repeated the words I somehow said while describing me or if you noticed it but sometimes I believe them.Maybe,maybe I AM strong after all. Maybe I have this mental strength.I tend to feel that I am the most fragile human being on Earth,that anything can make me cry and that I am absolutely useless in every way.But then I analyze myself,I compare myself with others. I’ve been suicidal for years now,I’ve thought about it and all the possible ways to commit suicide but then again, I haven’t done it. My excuse was for some time,my brother,”I don’t want him to be broken as I am” I told myself but then I realized my brother an my mum and my dad, they all think of me as this insensitive,hard,careless,indestructibly being and now my excuse is…A part of me doesn’t want to give up,maybe I’ll find the bright side of life someday,but I won’t put my family as an anchor to this world,they don’t see all the pain in me,they don’t feel it,they only feel what they want to feel.According to my mother, she’s suffering from depression and also my brother but when I told her I was she ignored me…she ignores everything I feel actually.Maybe they are suffering from it but I’ll always minimize their pain until they realize how much I hurt.To me they just go on with their lives and I don’t. I want to stay in bed all day long,I don’t care if I shower or not,I would like to stop breathing,anything triggers my emotions and I cry all the time,at least they’ve got me to hug them but who hugs me?I guess I’ve been feeling this way for so long that I can act as if everything was just…normal. They go out and talk to people,my brother still parties,chats on msn and goes to shows,he still plays the drums…he’s pretty much the same,I only think he’s depressed not suffering from depression.I…don’t want to talk to anyone.Every time I smile I feel as if something was cutting my insides but don’t worry family…I am strong,I don’t feel.I know I’m fragile and crazy but I’m probably more sane than the rest of..well everyone.I am sober all the time and I try to cope with it in my 5 senses,so yes, I am probably quite strong.